Love is.....

I fall in love with a man who was not in the same decade as me.

He may be older than me, but not his heart and soul. I liked him, and i know he liked me too.

When i see him through my eyes, i feel incomplete for he was not the one that i'm looking for. That he didn't has the personalities that i'm looking for. But when i see him through my heart, i feel whole, completeness. I found tranquility in him, in his eyes and his soul.

He has such a melodious voice. i was drawn towards that voice actually. Because i could never get bored to hear the same voice again and again. That that voice could keep me running home to him. 

But we could never be together. It was indeed love at first sight. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And so he was. Hence, i tried to find any possible way so that we can be together and lived as a married couple. But fate has different story for us.

We went to a scenery place to discuss about us. If only we chose different place that day, he maybe still alive today. While we had a lunch together, there was a man with a knife. A mentally ill man. I didn't see that mentally ill man coming, but he was. I was facing him while he was facing that mentally man. He took the stab for me....

He was bleeding so much. i was scared, that i might losing him. It's okay if we couldn't spent the rest of our live together. But i want him alive. To stay healthy. But it didn't go as i expected. He was bleeding so much and it was too late to send him to hospital because the wound reached his vital organ. 

I could still remember vividly what he said to me before he left me forever. "I really really wanted to be your husband. I want to take care of you. I want to be the man that you can be proud of. I want to be the luckiest man in the world to be able to wake up each morning next to the most beautiful women. I want to be the reason why you want to come home. i want you to be my home and i want myself to be your home. I don't have much time left. What i really wanted to say to you is that i will always and always love you. Your are the first women to open up my heart to receive your love. You will always be my first and last women that i will love till my last breathe. I love you.....'

Goodbye love. i miss you so much. You will always be my first love.....

Dysmenorrhea II

Dysmenorrhea hits me today and it is so painful as usual. Then there’s a friend who advise me not to take or depend on painkillers solely as it has side effect on our body. I get that, but did you know I have this thing since the past five years and I have been endure it very well without eating any painkillers except Panadol. It can be counted by fingers on how many times I have been taking Panadol since the past years. Because I know how bad drugs is.

You asking me not to depend on painkillers as if I’m asking you not to eat Panadol when fever hits you even when your body temperature is high. Can you do that? Can you not eat Panadol when you have fever? Even when your body is aching?. You know, for facts, I have been trying so many alternatives, my aunties gave me herbs or jamu but it just didn’t work on me. I even take herbs and other supplement, but to no avail. So I stop from trying or searching other alternatives. I’m always telling myself if I can endure it last month, why not this time round? I don’t know where I get that courage to endure this pain without taking any painkillers.

What I know is this pain is just one of the way God gives to me to make me more perseverance. Always thankful for my health.

I take your advice seriously because I know how bad drugs is. But don’t take this pain lightly sweetheart. You are not in my shoes. Not until you experience this. I think for sure you will depend on painkillers throughout the menses. Thank you for your concern. I appreciate it so much!! Love you!

Dysmenorrhea

Dysmenorrhea can be divided into two broad categories: primary dysmenorrhea and secondary dysmenorrhea. Women who suffers primary dysmenorrhea are most likely to develop pelvic pain, painful cramp of painful period, backpain, nausea, diarrhea, vomiting and dizziness. Secondary dysmenorrhea leads to many identifiable disease. It can be endometriosis, ovarian cyst, fibroid.

As for me that suffers primary dysmenorrhea, the only medicine doctor would give to me is mefenamic acid or painkiller, other than that would be contraceptive pills. It works by inhibit the production of prostaglandins, more or less like that. Living with dysmenorrhea is like you having labour contraction every single month, not-so-morning-sickness-like for 24-72 hours every month. People often says, period cramp is much less hurt than contraction of giving birth. People often take this thing lightly. They would say, “contraction pain is worse than your period pain”. That’s so true. May God bless every moms out there.

But people whom having dysmenorrhea have to suffer the pain every single month. It affect our daily life. As for me,when dysmenorrhea hit, i have to lying on the bed under the blanket, my hands and legs become cold, crying for the unbearable pain, putting heating pad on my stomach, eating pain killer that will not last long that makes you have to eat another dose the next few hours. If you’re lucky enough, your body will produce little amount of prostaglandin, thus you have less pain. But the next month, the pain will comeback like its seeking for vengeance. Its too painful and unbearable.

I vomits for 24 hours after I started menses. The next day, nausea, diarrhea and pelvic pain and whatnot would be my company throughout period. I tell my friends about having dysmenorrhea is not easy. There are no exact medicine to cure or treat dysmenorrhea. You have to depend upon painkillers. Yet, they sees this thing as not-so-serious-period-cramp problem. Not until you guys experience this. Hats off! That’s why I reluctant to open up about this problem. At most “ahhh is it period pain? every ladies experience it what” kind of answer I got.

It’s not easy to live with dysmenorrhea. The level of pain is not the same like normal people have when having period pain. As I have mention above, it affecting my daily life. I have to skip classes every single month. if this thing can be transfer, I would transfer it to them and make them experience this thing especially experiencing that ‘not-so-morning-sickness’(vomiting) part for not only a month but maybe couple of months. For sure they will say, how can you bear this pain every month?..

This writing is solely based on my experience. Different people experience different things. if your friends is having dysmenorrhea, be there with them for they are not strong enough to go through it alone. They need someone as a pillar of strength. Don’t see this thing lightly. the pain is just unbearable that we feel like we want to poke out someone’s eyes, need someone as a punch bag (people says) and so on. If you who read this feel not satisfied with my writing, I’m sorry. Well I’m not that perfect writer. Chill!!

RELATIONSHIP

Here I am, writing again about someone I love so much. I could never get enough from her. But the true love ought for Allah only. Allah’s loves for his servants is beyond our love towards other people

I am so grateful that Allah allows me to meet someone whom are so responsible, so wise, so wonderful. It’s great to have someone that you could lean on. She is special in so many ways that she could never realize. She inspired me in the ways that she could never imagine.

Yesterday was her birthday and I gave her an eulogy speech. She said that she was so touched when she read it. When you love someone, show your love in appropriate ways, a way that they could feel your appreciation, your love and your honesty.

When you create a relationship, it means that you are ready and willing to embrace and tolerate with the flaw someone have, and cooperate with the ability or the decent they have. When you are in a relationship either friendship or partnership, you must be tolerate with each other. You cannot always be the dominant in the relationship. If you are being too dominant, you will have no time or ways to get to know your partner/friend. You will only know how to make them act the way you want.

I have an experience, where my friend was always being dominant. Even if they made a mistake, they won’t easily seek forgiveness as if the mistake weren’t their fault. I still love this relationship. But eventually you will become tired if you are always being the one that trying hard to make up with someone.  if they can’t give full commitment in this relationship, the next possible step to do is stop, walk away. Because you’ve done your part. You have give full commitment. It’s just the matter of that person who couldn’t appreciate you. 

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah

Every test is a blessing. I learnt from my past. I learnt from my mistakes. Indeed, humans are not perfect. No matter how much people love you, they could never love us as much as Allah loves us. Some people took us for granted while some are not, hardly to find this kind. Some people needs us only when they are alone. Some people only cooperate with the speciality we have,but couldn't tolerate and embrace the flaw we have.
At some point, you will realize that you have done too much for someone that the next possible step to do is to stop and walk away. Find your own happiness. Those people who couldn't tolerate and embrace the flaw you have, they are not worth to be part of your life. Because they can simply leave you whenever they want. Stop from trying hard to make up with someone who doesn't even appreciate your hard working. Leave them alone.
There's no benefit of having sadness when you have Al-Quran.

Obstetric Fistula

Assalamualaikum...
This week have been cruel to me. So many things happened yet i survive. Wanna talk about Obstetric Fistula. An obstetric fistula is a hole between the vagina and rectum or bladder that is caused by prolonged obstructed labor, leaving a woman incontinent of urine or feces or both.

For women with obstructed labor, labor that goes unattended, the labor can last up to six or seven days. The labor produces contractions that push the baby’s head against the mother’s pelvic bone. The soft tissues between the baby’s head and the pelvic bone are compressed and do not receive adequate blood flow. The lack of blood flow causes this delicate tissue to die, and where it dies holes are created between the laboring mother’s bladder and vagina and/or between the rectum and vagina. This is what produces incontinence in a fistula patient.

See more at here: Obstetric Fistula Foundation

Student

Assalamualaikum, have a nice day dear readers. this blog was made on purposed, so i should not ignore this blog and do nothing. So here i am editing this blog, hope u like it.